Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
