Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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