This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
