its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
