Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
