just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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