it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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