actually, I'm a sock model
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
