i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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