cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
