I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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