I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
