Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
