oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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