you would pick up someone in the library
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
