That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
