we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
