Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
