Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
