this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
