I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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