Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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