Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
