Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
