The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
