No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
