your room smells of hookers.
And success
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
A bitchslap is in order.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
