That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Michael Bay diarrhea
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
