You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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