alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
