does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
