i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
