you guys were way drunker than both of me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
