Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
