I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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