You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
