I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The air was thick with penises
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
