I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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