Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
