remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
