That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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