i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
