dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
