Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
