"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
