is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
