im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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