i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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