I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
