Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
