I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize