so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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