cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
