just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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