So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
no. you can't hotbox the world.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
