FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
