you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
