I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
