he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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