My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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