I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
