That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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