can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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