just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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