absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
