Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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