Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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