Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
