I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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