There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
