She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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