just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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