i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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