The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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