so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
