Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
