we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
