You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
