I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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