You're completely useless in the revolution.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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