If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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